Arrange your way Towards Love

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Dr Prerna Kohli, India’s #1 Psychologist on Making Arranged Marriages Work

OMG Arranged Marriage!

Before immediately judging the concept of ‘arranged marriage’ as dinosaur era ideology, it makes sense to take a good look at your own home. Your parents or grand-parents were the beneficiaries of the same system and most of them adjusted well to each other towards a fulfilling life and of course with the occasional hassles. Who is to say the same hassles don’t happen in love marriages anyway?

So yes, you can arrange your way towards love filled relationship. It’s totally within reach and highly possible with openness, mutual respect and understanding. The only difference between arranged and love relationships is that the couple in the arranged setting has to put in extra efforts after the marriage which the couples in love have been through already. So, the amount of hard-work is still the same. Following are a few tips for navigating this seemingly uncertain yet a possibly most beautiful journey of your life:

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Dr Prerna Kohli, India’s #1 Psychologist on Making Arranged Marriages Work

Optimism:

Couples in arranged marriage tend to have more love and affection as time grows than couples in love marriage (We’re not discouraging couples in love!). So be optimistic about possibilities rather than being hyper-critical about road-blocks.

Friendship:

Whether it is before the marriage or after the marriage, spend more alone time with your partner, try to get to know them and their preferences. Learn about their childhood. Empathize with their struggles and congratulate/celebrate their victories and growth.

Expectations:

This is the most important of all. It is crucial to communicate your expectations beforehand. Attune your mind and body and know what you need and communicate it all without any shame or apprehension (Yes! Sexual preferences included). This will give you a safer chance of preserving your identity and individuality post-marriage.

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Dr Prerna Kohli, India’s #1 Psychologist on Making Arranged Marriages Work

Fall in love:

Gradually but definitely. Don’t rush it neither be worried that it’s not happening quickly enough. Give it the time it deserves and be more appreciative of the good things your partner does than be put off by occasional errors. Somewhere between understanding and helping each other become better, the passion for each other rises to an appropriate amount and before you know, you fall in love.

Each other’s shoes:

Do a role-reversal and try to get into your partner’s role for a day to get a first-hand experience of their challenges. That helps you empathize and appreciate their difficulties leading to greater understanding.

Give more than you get:

This doesn’t need much explanation. If both of you adopt this behaviour, the relationship is sure to be beautiful.

Chores and creativity:

Indulge in board games, house-hold chores and any other creative activities together. The idea is not to compete but collaborate and relishing each other’s wins.

Indulge in board games, household chores, and any other creative activities together. The idea is not to compete but collaborate and relishing each other’s wins.

These tips should help you achieve the imperfect perfection in your relationship and arrange your way towards love.

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Dr Prerna Kohli, India’s #1 Psychologist on Making Arranged Marriages Work

Note: A gift to self.

If you are yet to be married, it is a great idea to go for pre-marital counselling to ward off all negative possibilities and gift yourself the best start that you can get!