When your spouse dies your life changes immensely. Thus, you are in a state of mourning and grieving feeling the sorrow of this loss. You may feel shocked, numb and fearful. This is a misnomer among people that if the death of the spouse is after a prolonged illness there is ample time to say goodbye and prepare for death, vs. a sudden death. Whether sudden or not, the death of a spouse leaves scars that take time to heal.
For some this grief leads to depression, and this depression needs to be handled under the guidance of an experienced psychologist. What is depression? Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being. It is important to understand the difference between grief and depression. Grief is an overwhelming sense of loss post the death of a loved one, grief comes in waves, and then recedes and returns when a memory, incident, or emotion triggers a recollection of the deceased. Over a period of time the grief reduces, and one is able to rekindle memories of the deceased with joy and happiness. A perpetual grief is an indication that the remaining spouse is under depression.
If you or someone you know is depressed after the death of a spouse, you need to take the following steps to manage the stress:
Start exercising, go for long walks, bicycle or start some form of exercise
Get sufficient sleep, 7-8 hours each day
Explore a new skill which involves group activities such as a cooking, photography class etc
Meet with friends and loved ones who can offer support
Join a support group, in the Indian context, become a regular at the “kirtan / bhajan” session. Very few support groups for spousal death are available in India, so the kirtan / bhajan sessions provide a similar support
If despite these interventions you still have:
difficulty performing everyday activities
feeling guilty or blaming yourself for your loved one’s death
feeling as if you have no purpose in life
losing desire to engage in social activities
wishing you had died as well
feeling as if your life isn’t worth living if you don’t have your loved one
You must seek professional help, and meet an experienced Psychologist.
“You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need” – Dr. Prerna Kohli.
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India and provides families, individuals, parents and children counselling on being happy.
